The Tale of Lonely Frog

Lonely Frog was a sad amphibian. He never had any friends. Well, he had one friend, but that friend was a copper snake, and we all know copper snakes suck monkey balls.

So Lonely Frog turned to his not so lonely mother and asked her: "Mom dearest, how do I make friends?" Mother Frog pondered this for many moments, thinking very, very hard for she so desperately wanted to help her son.

Finally, an idea popped into her green froggy head. "Why don't you make a batch of cookies?" she suggested. "All little frogs love a tasty cookie treat."

So Lonely Frog baked for days and days, working on his very special froggy cookie recipe, for he wanted his cookies to be juuust right. He tried almonds and cashews, raisins and chocolate chips, cane sugar and brown sugar, sprinkles and icing; and when his special green frogalicious cookies were juuust right, he loaded them up in basket and hopped them down to the pond.

Lonely Frog handed out his special cookies to all the little frogs at the pond, even the little one who were barely past their tadpole days. And everyone loved the cookies!

...but still no one would be Lonely Frog's friend.

So Lonely Frog hopped all the way back home, with tiny little tears in his little froggy eyes, crying, "Mother, mother. I made the best cookies I could ever possibly make and I am still, alas, a lonely frog. What, oh what, should I do?"

Mother Frog felt for her lonely son, and she thought and thought as hard as she could, until once again an idea popped into her grean froggy head...

"Well, for one, you could stop being such a pussy."